Going back to my normal meetings has been a great treat. Tuesday we went to my home group, Wicked Sobah, and the welcome was unbelievable. People had missed me while I was gone, and that's a little hard for me to believe. I am, however, trying very hard to trust that what people say is the truth (otherwise I am left to a mind filled with worry and fear…yuck!). Several people said that they had been reading the blog regularly, and felt like they were with me along the way. I'm not sure if that was the effect I was going for, but then again, I'm not sure I know what effect I was going for, I just knew I had to write it. I can tell you this, though, it feels great to have people I know and respect be interested in what I've done, especially because I still feel like the goofy kid on the outside looking in sometimes. Thanks, everyone!
The really fantastic part about being home has definitely been being with Mandy every day. Waking up next to her is easily one of my favorite things in the world. We have been spending a lot of time together just laughing and enjoying each other, and on top of that we've been talking a bit about the wedding. I had no idea that I would be so excited about my wedding, and I feel blessed that Mandy is just as excited, if not more. It's going to be great!
When Mandy and I first got together I talked to her a lot about wanting to watch her paint, and it wasn't until this week that I finally had the chance. It's almost like I felt like an intruder if I watched before, but now it seems safe, and it was more wonderful than I could have imagined. For me there is something magical about watching someone else create something, and with Mandy it's even more special because I love her so much that watching her transports me somewhere else, and I feel a part of it. Here's a little taste of what I got to see:
And that ring looks right at home doesn't it?
There was also a moment where I was almost in tears because it reminded me of what a luck guy I am, and how much I miss my mom. Those of you who knew her will understand why seeing this made me lose it:
Being home still feels far from 100% right, but it's getting a little closer every day. I am starting to feel like I belong here again and my mind is beginning to settle a bit. And I have to say that it's really great to sleep in my own bed and really feel at home every night. The meetings along the way always felt a little bit like home, but there was still a sort of underlying feeling that I was not at home…because I wasn't. I always slept wherever I was, and I never felt tremendously homesick, but I learned that, for me, home is where my people are. I found some wonderful places and some truly beautiful people along the way, but now that I am home I know, more certainly than ever, that this is my place - that the people here are my family and that the cool, cloudy Seattle weather is where I am meant to be.
