Source of Panic Discovered

Well, it turns out that the panic I was feeling about the trip had little to do with the trip. On Monday I received an email to do some work and instantly felt better. Although I knew that the work was still there, I was having a hard time allowing my mind to believe it, and that sent me into panic-mode. Silly, I know, but that seems to be how my brain works. Despite lots of evidence to the contrary I still go into worst case scenario first, or at least a close second. It makes me wonder if that is a part of the human condition, or something that is unique to me and a lot of people I know. Are there people out there that always assume the best without thought about how bad it could get? That seems such a foreign concept to me that I would find it uncomfortable to think that way...maybe.

So, as for the trip, it is looking like it may be a little postponed due to work, but I suppose that if I have to make a little more money prior to departure, then I will take it. The bike still does not have shocks, but they tell me that they will be in the mail soon. Sooner would be better, because we have had a nice little stretch of good weather, and it would be nice to be out in it on the bike. Things rarely happen in my time frame...

I bought a giant map of the U.S.:

Look at all those roads! I still maintain that there will be little planning that occurs prior to departure, but I bought the map to see if I find places that I want to go. More to come!

Panic Ensues

Well, the departure date approaches (estimated to be June 7th), and there is a bit of panic in my mind. The bike is still apart in the garage awaiting the arrival of new shocks from Works Performance in CA. All the work I can do to the bike for the time being has been done, and I am anxious to ride some more. On top of not being able to ride I am beginning to panic about being able to leave on time because of work, and also because of money and just being on the road. I have reached a point in Blue Highways where William is beginning to crack from being on the road and think about heading home, and I fear that point in my trip. My mind has a wonderful ability to run away with itself and go to the darkest places (mental meltdown on the road, no money on the road, stuck in the middle of nowhere, etc) and I am trying to fight that as best I can and remember that things have always worked the way they are supposed to in the past. But I'll be damned if it doesn't just keep talking... I suspect that all of this is normal for something like this, but it actually kept me awake for a bit the other night and I cannot remember the last time I lost sleep over something. Part of my brain just wants me to give this up and get a job and go back to work and be secure, but the other part of me knows that if I do that I will regret it forever. So for now the plan remains; leave in early to mid-June for 60 days of meetings...